Change

"Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of staying the same."

This is a quote I have been replaying in my head the past two weeks.
Change, it's everywhere wether we like it or not. It's happening daily, from sunset's starting later and sunrise starting sooner. We see it in a newborn baby growing up. An elderly friend in their last days. There is something so magical about it that feeling that you get in the depths of your stomach when something new is happening, you get the is remarkable feeling of hope. Not the normal hope that comes along with praying that you did well on a test or that there won't be any traffic. It's a sense of hope like no other, you feel butterflies everywhere. Hoping that this coming change will be the thing that changes your life.
But with the good comes the bad, Change can destroy your hope also. One day you can think everything is fine and dandy and the next you just want to curl up in a  ball and do Calculus problems all night. Change can make everything different in way you never expected, it can give you holes in the pits of your stomach that just make you want to cry.
Change is inevitable and the only way to handle it is with grace and poise.
Even if we were the one to initiate the change that doesn't mean it's heartless. Sometimes we just have to accept change and know that it may be what's best for us. If somebody tries to change things it's not because they are insensitive or don't care, it's because they want want's best for others and that's something that we have to learn for ourselves. It can't be taught in school or read from a book. Accepting change comes from the heart and will be hard but is a part of life that will always be there.

My life is an open book things come, things go, but Miracles happen to those who believe.

Homecomming

"Homecoming unites the past, present, and the future." 

Every year for homecoming I think of this quote. This is my last year of homecoming, it was my last year walking in the parade, voting on homecoming court, and last year watching the game from student section. Homecoming is a big deal at my school, for every football game we have 5-6 thousand people come. For homecoming games we have about 8-9 thousand people attend.
Of course we have dress up days on homecoming week this years were pretty cool although you will always have the people who will hate on it. I finally decided this year to participate and dress up, something I never did seriously did before.
Here's how it went:

Monday: Twin Day

Tuesday: Respect Your Elders

fresshman and Sophomores dressed like babies, Juniors and Seniors dressed like elderly folks.

Wednesday: Country vs. Country club

obviously you know what I picked..

Thursday: Celebrity Day

Haters back off. Miranda Sings. 

Friday: Spirit day

I didn't really dress up for this day, just a basic school T-shirt because I woke up late and couldn't do the original plan, but her is the parade that night, I was in control of the Chorus banner and it turned out AMAZING. 

Here are my pictures from the dance, my date was the ever so handsome Matthew Parker. 

Group pics:

Also: big congratulations to Jennifer Mountain who was selected by her peers to represent the class of 2016 on Homecoming court. Wearing the ever so loved Gold dress (I live vicariously through this dress, judge me)

By far my Favorite photos of the night. maybe of all homecoming photos ever...

but of course we must take a trip back down memory lane as my Homecoming adventures come to a close, here are the last 4 years of homecoming in review.

TBH I just wanted to add this picture in somewhere because it's to funny not too..

Prepare for a good laugh.


Freshman year: My dress was 2 sizes too large, I had just discovered Eyebrow waxing and didn't know I was going until 3 days before causing complete chaos.

Lets not talk about this any further.

Sophomore Year: the year of bad eyeshadow, accidental dress outgrowth, and the coldest night I've ever experienced while wearing a dress.

Junior Year: The year I learned how to dress myself in things other than Jeans and hoodies. Also the year I lost my gas cap on the way to homecoming, and blinking pictures can't forget those.

Senior Year: The year where it all ends, no more parades, or tacky tourist Restaurants. The year that we let ourselves have fun and not worry about time schedules. Also the year I set my best friend up with a boy she never met.

( I couldn't write this post without including DYW in it, so here are 4 of the Niceville DYW Crew at the dance together.)

LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE TOGETHER!!

Dear Future Daughter...

I'm seventeen, kids are not in my near future for sure, but part of me having this blog is so that I can look back on it when I do have kids to help them learn from my mistakes. We are so blessed to be in a time where we are able to record things and not have to worry about loosing it in a jumble of papers.

Here is what I want to say to my future daughter, assuming that I'm blessed with one someday..

1. In case I forget what it feels like to be distraught and seventeen I want you to know that there will come a time when you feel yourself deteriorate into nothing. That is totally okay, it happens. You must go through the struggle to find your strength. I won't let you go through it on your own but you must learn on your own. Trust me I will always be there for you if you need help.

2. If it's 3 AM and you find yourself in a state of complete despair please don't turn to alcohol to drown your demons, they can swim and they will. Climb into my bed and I will rub your back until they've fallen asleep. I refuse to be oblivious to your problems.

3.The hours between 12 AM and 6AM have an unavoidable way of being either the best hours or the worst. You will be on top of the world, or underneath it. Find a song that soothes your heart back to ease and please don't forget that you are human, it's okay to feel pain that means you're alive. Just breathe it's going to be okay.

4. Your mental health comes before school every single time. If it's midnight and you are too sad to move I will go out and buy you a carton of Ben and Jerry's. If I feel your hands shake and your heart beat out of your chest turn on the song that brings you to your happy place and slip back to sleep. if you fail a test don't worry, it will not cost you a trip to medical school.

5. One day you will meet a boy; he will make your heart flutter. You will feel butterflies inhabit your lungs and stomach, flowers will sprout out of the darkest parts of your mind. Seeing him will feel like fireworks at Disney World. One day these feelings might leave you and you will understand why they name tropical storms after people. You will want to die, please remember that everything is temporary. Then refer to number 4 on this list.

6. When you're walking along the street or driving to school and you see a homeless man with holes in his pant legs, a full beard covered in dirt please buy him a meal. Go out of your way to do it, it's alright to be late to school for this reason. It's okay if you're late for curfew, this will solidify that I have raised you right. Don't do it because you think it would make me happy, do it because it will make you happy.

7. Know that when I say "I love You" that I mean it differently than when a boy would say it to you. Know that I Love you Means that I would lay down everything to keep you safe and to make you happy. Anybody can say the words but few can mean it.

8. Never hate yourself, you were beautifully and wonderfully made. You were made in Gods image and you are the best thing that has or will every happen to me. Know that you can always come to me when your skin isn't clear and your body isn't perfect to society's standards. Know that you are beautiful to me. Thinking that you are beautiful is the only thing that matters.

 9. Know that you can do anything you set your mind to. You can rule the world, you can be a mom, you can finish school. You can do everything. I will never push you to do something you hate, anything you want is yours to have if you work hard enough for it.

10. Lastly, always know that you are beautiful and loved. The world will tell you other things about how to fix yourself to be "perfect." Know that you are already perfect, that you are loved by many people. know that you can always talk to me and I will bring you to the the happy places in life.

When You Come Home.

I've lived in an Air Force Community my entire life. It's come with perks, like always having 150 airmen behind your back when you need them, but it's also come with disadvantages, like attending more than my fair share of funerals. I hate to get things off to a sad start but it's true, since I was little I've had to attend more than my fair share of military funerals. Although I never lost a parent or sibling in combat, I've seen first hand what it's like to loose somebody.
During DYW boot camp week while doing our talents my Secret Sister Jackie was super nervous about her talent portion. Honestly I thought she was being dramatic about the whole thing at first, then she did it. Everybody was in tears. It was to a song called "When You Come Home" (You can listen to it on Youtube here.) Honestly it hit home for a lot of us.
My mother made a deal with the commander when I was little to never get orders to move again in trade for many tours of duty. These tours lasted anywhere from 3 to 9 months. My mom was gone a lot, she was fighting for things that I had no idea about. The only thing I knew was that my mom got to "Travel the world". Well traveling the world in a different sense, she was in anywhere from combat zones in Iraq, to desk jobs in Yemen and Pakistan. My mother developed a love for her job and a pretty Rad tan.
There is always one thing that I will never forget, when I was about 7 My Mother was on a Tour of Duty, she called every night at 8:30 my time so that I could talk to her right before bed. One night she didn't call. Of course my dad thought nothing of it, it's just one night no biggie. actually to me it was a huge biggie. This night could probably be classified as my first "All niter". Did not sleep a wink until the next morning, waiting for that call. Of course this probably sounds way to dramatic for a 7 year old's brain, but hey, it was our thing.
 Turns out my mom didn't call that night because she was moving camps and didn't have phone access. That is one feeling that I will never forget, being so scared that something happened. I can't imagine how it would be to have that feeling every night.
A few weeks later, my mom came home.
Please, I beg you, the next time you see somebody in uniform say a prayer for them and their safekeeping along with their family. The next time that you see something on the news about a war zone with Americans on the ground, remember that those people fighting are there for your saftey, and  your rights. They are somebody's Father, Brother, Sister, Son, Mother, Daughter, Friend, Husband, Wife, they are somebody's whole world.

I will never forget this picture, it's probably my favorite one of any that's ever been taken.

but of course in true military fashion, once you get settled it's time to move again..

I'm working my best on getting the video of Jackie's dance to it on here, bare with me...

Photographs

I know I've been posting a lot about high school ending but its honestly the only thing on my mind right now..

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time's forever frozen still
- Ed Sheeran Photograph

It's honestly no secret that I'm in love with Ed's music.. He's amazing in every sense of the word. Recently I've been listening to this song on repeat (Photograph) Its made me think about how one day when we are old and grey the only thing that we will have left are photographs. We will only have the hundreds of selfies taken on our phones at football games. the awkward pictures that our parents made us take at homecoming with our dates, the always pleasurable first-day-running-out-the-door photo. One day all of this will be just a memory, we won't be able to tell you exact dates or what the photographer was wearing, we will on'y be able to see what's captured inside of the film. (Sorry I'm cheesy and like to take hundreds of pictures with my Polaroid instant camera) 
One day we will see pictures of us dancing and having fun, and pictures of us when we just failed a test. These pictures are what make us who we are. Honestly if I could go back and do one thing over with the past eleven years of school and seventeen years of life I'd want to take more pictures. 
Take pictures of everything. the cool potato chip you found in your bag of pretzels, the weird pants your tried on but never bought. The boy you've liked since 7th grade, every day you see your best friend. When your dog/cat does something cute.
Take as many as you can because one day they will be all that you remember. 
Also, don't trash the embarrassing pictures from Seventh grade, we all have them, they make you who you are. Even if it is bad Highlights and braces....

Dress code...

I know that this is going to be totally and entirely controversial, but here we go..

My school recently got a makeover to our dress code policy. Here's a peek...

***ADDITION TO DRESS CODE POLICY 2014 - 2015 SCHOOL YEAR:

NO TIGHT FITTING CLOTHING PERMITTED (EXAMPLES: SPANDEX, YOGA PANTS OR LEGGINGS)

I''m all for leggings as an easy way to get dressed in the morning, but I'm talking about workout leggings, not dance tights. Trust me I'm happy this rule is in place now, I've seen too many people at school that have bent down to get something from a bottom locker and be able to see their hot pink underwear clearly visible. Please stop, please. Yes, I would consider myself a very modest dresser, but lets be real, I'm seventeen wearing leggings and over sized t-shirts are kind of a regular thing. I totally agree that we should not be able to wear low cut tops, pajamas, or really short skirts/shorts to school. It's just not the place, school is about learning, not who can wear the craziest outfit.

 In my opinion, leggings should ONLY be work with dresses that aren't the longest, or with larger sweatshirts or t-shirts. Not the kind of t-shirts that are just a bit too big, I'm talking about the super huge ones that you bought super big because it was a cute design and the on'y thing left was a men's 2XL shirt. Please ladies, I know all about waking up late and not having time to find a cute outfit and what not but please please let your shirts cover your bum. No crop tops and leggings. 

**Just and FYI after all the twitter freaking out from people about the no leggings rule, we had our grade level meeting and the administration cleared things up. Leggings can be worn but only the thick workout ones, and they have to be worn with a long shirt that is to your fingertips. 

171 Days

I have exactly 171 days until my high school career is over. 

171 days left until I'm expected to act as an adult.

171 days left to decide where my life is going. 

I have 171 days left to make my wrongs wright.

171 days to find who I want to be. 

171 days to decide my answer the the infamous question: "What are your plans for the next 5 years?" 

I have 171 days to see the people every day that I've seen everyday for the past 12 years. 

Most importantly 

I have 171 days until graduation. 

Sorry super cliche I know. My first week of senior year is over, things have already changed so much. I got new glasses (they're actually super cute!) I made friends with somebody that I fell out of touch with on bad terms. 

Things are changing already I know it's a struggle but it's only going to get worse and the best thing to do is stick it through. These next 171 days are going to be hard, I'm going to have to grow up, I'm going to go through all of "the lasts". These last 171 days help me decide who I want to be, do I want to be the person to hold a grudge? To I want to leave without making an impact? Where am I leaving to? Am I staying here or will I finally leave this town? 

These are all big kid questions that are expected of me to know the right answer to. I don't think I ever will know the answer, I believe life is a glorious mystery, we never know what will happen we just have to trust it's the right thing. 

I know that if you're reading this you probably aren't in high school and this sounds childish, have you ever asked your teenager (or any teenager) what's In their head and had a truthful answer? Probably not, honestly I don't tell the full detailed story about my day at school when my dad asks when I get home. I can almost guarantee you any senior that started this week had theese same thoughts sometime in the past week. We've been expected to act like adults for so long now that we start to think like adults, bring the positive out but never bring the negative to the table. 

Next time you talk to a teenager see if you can get them to change their way if thinking, they might just change yours. 

(Sorry the last part of this post seemed a bit sad and solom, it wasn't meant to be. As I was typing my mind went on a serious note and I couldn't stop) 

On another note: here are pics from my first week of senior year. 

The pineapple skirt from the first day is probably my new favorite thing. Ever. Seriously. I love it.

DYW Changed My Life

I know its weird to say that something has changed my life, but honestly participating in Distinguished Young Women has. It taught me things about myself that I didn't know I didn't know. It taught me how to act in a professional setting and how to act like a grown girl. I believe that every girl should go through this program. This program has created a lifelong bond between 17 girls who didn't know a thing about each other eight months ago.

I did not win one dollar from the program, as our director Betsy would say "ZERO DOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS." I don't mind that I didn't win anything, I didn't come in hoping to win I joined this program because I wanted to be my best self. Something noticeably different about me after the program is that I am so much more confident. You can tell that mostly by my smile, before this program started I absolutely would not smile with my teeth, ( I know it seems like nothing but it looked like I was smirking not smiling). Our director Mrs. Carole pulled me aside one meeting and asked why, I explained that I didn't like my teeth, she challenged me to smile with my teeth. At first it was a bit weird, now its a habit. (thanks Mrs. Carole)

I've never been a popular person, never had a million friends that I went out with on Friday nights to football games. Now because of DYW I've become the best of friends with 16 other girls that I didn't know at the start of my junior year, it's great. we've all become incredible friends that support and genuinely love another. We had and "Unusual" class as Mrs. Carole called it. We bonded and honestly that's the best part about it.

Also I should probably tell you who won our local program this year!
Lydia Clark is the DYW of Okaloosa County 2015, we are all so happy she won and I can honestly say that nobody got jealous or threw a fit. We are all so happy for her and happy that she's representing us, Lydia is a wonderful person and the perfect choice to represent our class. We are making plans to watch her compete at state.

The staple points of Distinguished Young Women is called the "Be Your Best Self" Program. Its based off of five points that are as follows:

Be Healthy- Be physically fit and drug free
Be Involved- Serve your community
Be Studious- Stay in school
Be Ambitious- Set and achieve goals
Be Responsible- Live by moral and ethical principals

Any girls entering their Junior year of high school and would like to participate please register!
You can sign up online here. http://www.ajm.org/participate/
or e-mail Mrs Carole: carolebyrd911@yahoo.com

Now here are some pictures...

Three years of DYW's 

Our AMAZING Sponsor. Systems of Sound provided all of our lighting and sound for FREE!

We all bonded the weeks before show with sleepovers and dinners and random Frozen Yogurt trips. 

pre-show we had loads of free time which involves a lot of crazy!

Before the show began, we started it off the right way, with prayer.

Jackie's talent brought us all to tears, naturally I had to include a picture.
(video hopefully to come) 

The only picture from Fitness were we didn't look like we were about to die. 

We had a lot of free time backstage..

Secret Sister Picture

And time to wear fancy dresses and eat pizza...

Add caption

Scholarship Thugs

The ever so beautiful Alyssa..

Ready to take on the world with a smile!

Naturally the first thing we did was take a selfie.